Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
