I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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