I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
