Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
