i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
