She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
