She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
