Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
