Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
