So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
