just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
