Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Your dad touched me again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
