he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
