He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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