dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
