that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
