apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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