Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
