It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
