i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
