I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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