Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
