All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
