I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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