I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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