WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
