but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
