farters have to be the big spoon...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
