Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
