2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
