Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's shark week go big or go home
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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