I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
