I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didn't notice because vodka
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
