i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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