If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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