I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we should paint friendship bongs
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
