Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
