i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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