can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
