Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
