people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
