The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
