Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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