then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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