Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
