is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
