Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
