Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
