if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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