You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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